What's that good for?
I love this question. It’s provocative and powerful at the same time. It’s an open and curious question too.
I often use it for myself and in my coaching work with clients.
In the midst of crisis, challenge, difficulty 'What's that good for' can help us bring awareness to what's actually happening, can help us gain perspective on the whole situation. What the question really means is: What purpose does it (this situation, this experience) serve? What is the learning here?
To stay open and curious when something difficult happens is a tall task but one that can bring release, one that can increase our self-awareness, self-kindness as well as understanding of self and others.
When something happens that we don’t like, intuitively we want to push it away, close down, get rid of it. To ask the question in this moment: What’s that good for? helps us to stay open. It not only requires curiosity but also courage, strength of heart, because to stay open means to be willing to look at ourselves honestly. We may not always like what we discover but it can be powerful, insightful and growth full.
Foto by Edward Howell
For example, recently when I was on a meditation retreat, I found myself reacting to a person and experiencing strong emotions of dislike, frustration and anxiety. I had only just met the person and yet the way they behaved and spoke had a particular impact on me. I noticed that I was judging them and feeling reactive towards them. It felt uncomfortable as though a sour button was being pressed. This was the signal for me to ask the question vs staying in the reactive, blaming mode:
What’s this situation, encounter good for? What is it telling me? What am I learning here about myself?
It was very interesting. I discovered that this person reminded me of my sister and how difficult it had been between us when we were growing up. As soon as I could see this, I could understand myself better. I felt calmer, felt release from that particular habit of reacting and greater ease. All of a sudden, I didn’t have to take what this person said and did personally anymore. And I could see their humanity.
We can also ask the question when we go through a particularly tough time or experience hardship such as a breakup or losing a job or have health and/or financial issues. Asking: What’s this good for?, helps us keep the channel open, helps us stay open to life.
Asking the question does not mean that we ignore the hardship or that something is genuinely difficult because of course it is. Asking the question acknowledges that each situation we live through is richer, has much more to offer to us, than we think.
When we ask ourselves the question we need to be kind, compassionate and patient with ourselves as the answer does not always come immediately. But when we can stay with and open to it, we may be surprised about what we might discover and learn. It can be hugely satisfying.
Foto by Javier Allegue-Barros
I might begin to notice that a certain way I have unkindly defined myself or my personality, perhaps for decades, is simply not a fixed truth of how I am. Seeing this clearly, I let go of the tight binding of this particular self-view, and begin to feel a degree of freedom, released from the familiar but painful confines of that particular prison.
From Seeing that Frees by Rob Burbea
If you are going through a difficult or tough time just now and need some support, why not book an initial complimentary coaching conversation with me. I offer coaching outdoors while walking in London’s parks and green spaces as well as online via Zoom.
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