How to switch off
During the pandemic 'switching off', stepping back from the intensity of non-stop ‘being on’ and being responsible for everything (or perhaps for someone) has become - for some of us - even harder.
What’s more, we live in a culture that rates doing, performance, productivity. Working long hours, getting things done and feeling stressed is seen as ‘doing well’.
When we work non-stop and allow little time for recovery and restoration, ‘being on’ all the time becomes a habit. We fail to relax. We feel empty. We lose touch with who we are and what to do with ourselves.
When we are caught up in Doing Mode of mind - achieving, thriving, succeeding, planning, wanting, it’s not always easy to bring in more Being Mode of mind because the habit of doing has become so dominant. When circumstances are tough and uncertainty high, this becomes even more difficult.
The Being Mode of mind is about not wanting, relaxing, connecting, enjoying, playing. It's about just being and engaging in life in such a way that meets our deepest needs for connection with others, kindness, love and intimacy. It's about sharing our dreams, interests, joy and passions in meaningful conversations with loved ones and friends.
We need a balance of both modes to feel alive. To thrive and not just survive we need to live from the body, mind and heart, from a ‘full tank’.
Breaking the cycle
We often don’t know what to do with ourselves once we’ve switched off the computer after many hours of work. The empty feeling can be unbearable and so we distract or numb ourselves with more screen time to find relief: online shopping, social media, computer games etc. – only to feel more empty. It’s a vicious cycle.
It’s important to set an intention, to begin to make the cycle of ‘being on’ all the time conscious.
I’m someone who is self-motivated, I like to work hard, I like to do, do, do. I feel satisfied when I get things done. But I know that when I am not careful, the activities that allow me to restore and maintain good mental and physical wellbeing can easily go out of the window. It's important to let work be work and to remember that there is more to your life than work. It’s just one portion of your life (see my free resource The wheel of life to find out how much time and space work takes up in your life and how much other things - that matter to and nourish you - have been neglected).
Here are some things that help me switch off, that bring me joy, relaxation and connection:
Quiet time - I love my morning coffee. I get up, wash, make myself a nice cup of coffee and sit quietly in my comfy chair by the window - with the cat on my lap. A precious moment! Others might like to sit quietly in the evenings. Find out what works for you.
Exercising - I do yoga and meditation once a day. You might like to go for a run (without listening to anything), cycle, power walk or do other exercise outdoors.
Spending time in nature - I make sure I get out every day, ideally on my own to reduce stimuli or input while walking or cycling. This is more important than ever now that we are moving into winter (on this side of the planet) and the evenings drawing in earlier. It’s easy to miss the day light hours. I have created a helpful habit since March of having a 2-hour lunch break in my diary from 1-3pm.
Having a nap - just 20 minutes of napping, just resting can be hugely restorative. It took me a long time to allow myself to take time to rest. I believed it was lazy. But of course it isn’t. If you are someone who can power nap, do it and regularly. We now know from research that napping is one of the best things we can do to restore and recharge.
Engaging in things I love doing - Such as baking bread, gardening, cooking, pottering around the house and creating a nice home environment.
What might this be for you? What makes your heart sing? Be kind to yourself here. You may not immediately know because you have lost touch with those things that nourish your heart. But as you allow more and more space to just be, and drop the question lightly ‘What do I most love doing?, What brings me zest and joy?’, you will know again. Sometimes I ask clients who struggle to reconnect with things that feed them: What did you enjoy when you were a kid? Some say: Roaming around in the forest, painting, making things. Here you go! It can give you some clues.
Connecting with others - Friendships have been hugely important in my life, they bring connection, the number one universal human need. We can easily take our friends for granted. Friendships require time and effort but it’s always worth the investment. You may want to spend a moment and think about the people in your life that matter to you, that you want to invest time and energy in.
Having things lined up for the long winter evenings - Some of us may dread and feel anxious about the long winter evenings during the pandemic, particularly if you live on your own. It’s helpful to make a list of meaningful things that you can enjoy in the evening such as listening to an interesting talk (check out TED talks and How to Academy), choosing a nice film, arranging a time to talk with a friend, cooking a delicious meal, learning, reading about a topic you have always felt you never had time for etc.
As always, I’d love to know how you are getting on.
If you need a little help to redress the balance between Doing Mode and Being Mode of mind, drop me a line to arrange your free initial coaching conversation: karen@greenspacecoaching.com
You might find my free resources Working from home routine and Mindful breaks helpful to break the habit of always ‘being on’.