Change - we want it, yet resist it
Everything is changing all of the time. We live in a hugely dynamic world. Sometimes change happens suddenly, Covid-19 is a prime example. Sometimes change is slower paced and more difficult to discern. But things change - continuously, consistently - in each and everyone's life, at work, at home and all around us.
Most of us resist change – why is that?
I used to feel very fearful about change and for many years I lived with a constant undercurrent of anxiety, which was tiring and held me back from living my life fully.
Change can feel uncomfortable, scary even. We like to hang on to what is known and familiar. We like to stay in our comfort zone because it’s safe; it gives us security; it protects us from failure and rejection - the very things many of us fear most.
It’s this fear of the unknown, fear of losing control, fear of falling apart, fear of losing our job, fear of losing status, fear of losing loved ones, fear of failure, fear of our own potential, fear of rejection that leads us to resist change – yet change is an intrinsic part of life.
To thrive vs to survive
The purpose of life is to thrive, to be active, to explore, to learn new things, to expand our comfort zone into ever-widening circles. Developing as a person means being willing to be open to change and to relax into it, knowing that change is an intrinsic part of life, that change is life itself.
If we are too rigid in life, too stuck in our comfort zone, we are in danger of suppressing an inherent need to grow and learn as a person, which in turn leads us to begin to experience low mood, anxiety and even depression.
Living with an undercurrent of anxiety not only impacted on my overall mood and sleep – it affected the choices I made or didn’t make.
Some time ago my mentor, a wise woman, said to me:
“What would happen if you relaxed into your experience as it is and went with the flow of change that is already happening?”
All of a sudden I could truly relax and let go of resisting change. I understood – not just in my head – but in my body and heart too, that everything is changing all of the time, inside me and beyond me.
How to befriend change?
When we turn towards change, relax into it, life becomes meaningful. The meaning comes from making the effort to expand our comfort zone and turn towards our fear.
Here are some tips to help you to turn towards change:
1. Listen to your feelings when you go through change
Pause, breathe and become aware of how you feel about the change that is happening. Are you feeling scared, frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed? Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel like this. Just sit and acknowledge how you feel without wanting to get rid of the uncomfortable or difficult feelings or allowing yourself to become overwhelmed by them.
2. Be willing to negotiate with your resistance to change – small steps still help us to reach the destination
Listen to the part of you that feels resistant. This is generally the part of us that feels fearful. Ask yourself: “What am I resisting”, i.e. what do I not want to happen? Often the answer is. “I don’t want to lose control; I don’t want to fail; I don’t want people to judge me etc.” You can reassure yourself by asking: “How likely is it that I will fail?” Or, “How do I know that people will judge me or not like me anymore?” How likely is it that I will lose my job? In the current climate, losing one’s job can be likely. Then ask yourself: “What steps can I take to find a new job? What’s my plan B?”
Listen to what you need in times of change and stretch yourself in a way that feels manageable to you. It’s okay to take small steps to explore new territory outside our comfort zone.
3. Develop a support system
Have other people with whom you can share the ups and downs of change. A trusted colleague, mentor or close friend. We don’t have to do it all alone. Choose people who you know well, who have your best interest at heart, who will listen to you; perhaps someone who has experienced or is going through similar changes right now. Remember, in these times of Covid-19, we are still all in the same storm but not in same the boat.
As always, I would love to hear from you. If you need a little help to embrace change, do get in touch. Email me karen@greenspacecoaching.com to book a free initial coaching while walking conversation in Victoria Park, east London or via Zoom or phone.
For those who like the idea of immersing themselves in nature, check out my Coaching Immersion Days.