What makes you thrive?

Posted by Karen in Wellbeing

Are you surviving or thriving? Mental Health Awareness Week #MHAW17

Surviving or Thriving is the theme of this year’s Mental Health Awareness Week,8-14 May.

The theme has deeply resonated with me, spurring me to share a personal perspective of how I feel when I experience life in both modes.

Radish shoots push through the earth

In surviving mode, my world feels narrow. I feel tired, low and numb. Uninspired. I find I’m just about coping with my day-to-day life and the most pressing demands it makes of me – nothing more.

I’m unable to see the good things, the opportunities, let alone take advantage of them or begin to imagine what might be possible for me. I also don’t sleep so well and often wake early with a nagging, anxious feeling.

Ah, but when I’m in thriving mode, my world feels expansive. I feel alive, energised, uplifted, courageous and open-minded.

My smile is broadening as I write and re-experience that wonderful feeling of opportunity and optimism, which results from being able to see further into my life and having the conviction and self-belief that great things are possible for me and that I deserve them.

I’m not alone in connecting with the theme of Mental Health Awareness Week. Clients, from my work as a life coach, as well as from friends and family members, that many others experience ‘just surviving’ and thriving too.

It’s part of our human condition.

We don’t feel the same every day. However, sometimes, we spend more days, or even longer periods of time, ‘just surviving’ rather than feeling well, happy and resourceful, which can – if left unchecked – lead to mental ill-health, anxiety and depression.

It doesn’t have to be like that.

So what happens when we ‘just survive’?

I’m going to use myself as an example. When I’m in ‘just surviving’ mode, I can slip into the grip of fear, doubt, uncertainty and my limiting views about myself and the world can take hold.

Over the years, I have managed to build a regarded coaching and mindfulness business, however, like many other self-employed, a quiet work spell or the deferment of an opportunity can trigger all manner of negative thoughts like ‘I’m not good enough, I can’t do it, I don’t have what it takes’…

Then I begin to feel anxious. I start doubting myself and I feel insecure and uncertain about my future. And it can get worse. I move into catastrophising, about losing everything and being out on the street.

That’s a snap shot of where my mind can go. How it can drag me down, unsettle me and narrow my view of the world, stunt my creativity and imagination.

In joyful contrast, when I’m thriving, I’m connected to what I care about, what I value, what’s important to me and to what I want to see happening in my life. It’s all there, crystal-clear in my mind.

The good news

We can all learn how to become more aware of when we are ‘just surviving’ and notice how we feel and the types of thoughts we typically buy into and take as truth.

What’s more, we can discover and explore what helps us thrive, and this knowledge can help us move out of ‘just surviving mode’, into thriving mode. It’s powerful.

So here is how:

The next time you are ‘just surviving’, write down and notice:

 – How you feel, e.g. anxious, helpless, disengaged, low, sad, withdrawn, angry, stupid, isolated, dis-empowered, defensive, lonely, exposed, exhausted etc

 – Your fears, e.g. I feel anxious that nobody will like me, I feel anxious that I won’t be able to do it, that I will fail…

 – Your doubts, e.g. I’m not sure whether I have what it takes to pull off what I need to do …

 – Your limiting beliefs, e.g. I am not good at this, I can’t do it, it’s not for me, it only happens to other people etc.

And the next time you feel you are ‘thriving’, write down and notice:

 – How you feel, e.g. connected, alive, buzzing, energised, focused, motivated, inspired, joyful, calm, reflective, engaged, open-mined etc. 

 – What you care about, e.g. your work and making a difference, your family, health, friends etc.

 – What you value, e.g. me-time, meaningful conversations, your partner, holidays, playing with your children, being in nature etc.

 – What’s important to you, e.g. honesty, listening, being listened to, caring for others, exercise, healthy eating, togetherness etc.

 – What you want to see, e.g. you see yourself grasping opportunities when they arise, you hear yourself say ‘yes’ more often, feeling confident in your abilities

When you feel that you are just surviving, take your ‘thriving notes’ and read them out loud to yourself. That way you can learn to counsel yourself.

As always, I am curious how you get on. And if you want to talk it through, feel free to book a free 30-minute coaching taster session in Victoria Park. 

green space newsletter
Sign up for monthly inspiration, wellbeing tips, news and offers.