A life based on contingency?Posted by in Benefits of Life Coaching | healing | life coaching outdoors
“I really, really want to start doing what I want to do, I’ve had enough. I want to stop doing what others expect of me or what I think others expect me to do.”
The great temptation of human existence is to base our life on contingency.
We often believe that when I have the right job, the right boss, the right home, when the kids have finished school, when I have created the right climate of my existence, when all conditions are right, then I can start paying attention to what I really want to do in my life… But of course, deep inside, we know that life doesn’t work like this and yet we often find ourselves in this very thought pattern.
Why? Because this way of thinking feels easy, familiar and comfortable. It feels non-threatening and non-challenging.
Last week a woman took up a taster session with me and said with desperation in her voice and tears in her eyes: “I really, really want to start doing what I want to do, I’ve had enough. I want to stop doing what others expect of me or what I think others expect me to do.”
Many clients take up life coaching with me for very similar reasons.
I feel great empathy with people in this position – having once been in a similar place in my life ten years ago – when I felt I had truly lost my way. I was caught up in a corporate job and disconnected from what really mattered to me, from my passions: my passion for what makes people tick, my passion for seeing what drives change in people’s lives and my passion for nature – being outdoors and the benefits this has on our well being.
When I started paying attention to what was really important to me, I set the seed for what is now my Green Space Life Coaching business. Of course at the time I had no idea what would come out of that seed.
What we need to do is have the courage to start cultivating a relationship with the unknown, with the things in ourselves that have not yet fully come into being.
We need to have the courage to pay attention to our own true life. We need to stop, look and listen inside and seek to connect to our deepest longing, to our passion, to what makes us feel alive.
You can do that by reflecting on the following questions:
What is my unique gift to the world?
This sounds grand but your gift can be small or big, e.g. caring or helping others, being a good listener, teaching, being a team leader, a coach or mentor, an environmental activist, a gardener, doing voluntary work once a week, a grandmother, etc. You can add to the list.
Into which areas does my attention and life energy flow?
How does it feel? Alive, interesting, meaningful or dull?
Do I pay attention to what matters most to me?
Caution: this is not about being selfish. The more you do what you really want to do in life, the happier you are, the more energised you feel, the more you can connect to and serve others.
What do I want to look back on when I’m on my deathbed?
This is possibly the scariest question but perhaps the most powerful as it reminds us that all things are impermanent, that we only have this one life.
Do I make the most of all my skills?
Scan through your life and list all the skills you have to offer, the things you’ve learned throughout your life and check which of these you enjoy most, which of these you haven’t used and want to use more often, which skills have you neglected and want to bring back to life and build on?
Paying attention to our own true life lies at the heart of our happiness.
Wishing you courage to take the first step…